Posts

Special

To Always believe that I am unlovable To Realize my own Inferiority To see with Envy as others were celebrated While I sat alone, accommodating What is mean like to mean something special to others Am I capable of such feelings The question would not be  If I'm loved by people But rather If I can feel love. 

Alone

 I was never really keen on existentialism because of this one quote which says we are born alone and will die alone. To be honest, I am scared by that quote. I am scared to feel abandoned, to feel lost and to feel like which I have no connection. Could I have been a bit more sensitive to the word alone because of my childhood experiences? I remember growing up alone. My sister was always going to be in a different school than me and my cousins were all in another school with different class times. I remember myself spending hours and hours reading, playing and studying by myself. I did not even had TV to accompany me because my aunt wanted to save electricity. If I am not in my aunt's house, I will be attending tuition classes, alone.  Yes, you can argue that there are still some people around me but I still feel lonely. I remember going up to my aunt wanting to tell her about this cool fact I read in a book, but she was busy in the kitchen. I remember wanting to play football wit

Proud

 Damn... I thought I done all the reflections I need But I got a new one Fresh perspectives I guess Of all the admirations and praises that I get The reason I got burdened Is yes, I felt it was conditional Because I never really felt someone ever be proud of me Not of my achievements But me.  That hits hard

scab

 Today I weeped again For a wound I thought healed Started to bleed again It's not the blood that I weep over Or the staring eyes It's the pain deep in the bones That felt familiar but foreign How I wish I don't weep But how do I deny  A part of me? Today I bled

pressed by time

 I feel that I am pressed by time To do a million things To catch up to another thousand I feel that I am chased But when I turned There is only my shadow I feel that I am tensed Never ever be able to relax to have a drink and peace of mind I feel that I am pressed by time not for time

back

 I thought I was doing well But its cold claws came back Gripping me with its familiar chill And I still cant my scream I thought I saw glimpses of you But it must have been forgotten A hot summer that passed so quickly Y,Y

The year ahead

 The year ahead I have just a simple wish To begin enjoying again the small things in life The holidays, birthdays, trips and wins To look forward to it all But not worrying about the future I want to celebrate and enjoy and live in the present moment To the year ahead.