The Forgotten Past

I decided to write about my experiences in college 10 days after AusMat prom concluded. I do not know why I took so long to write but it always my intention to write about AusMat.  Prom 2017 is pretty much the same except the fact that I did not spend most of my time hiding in the washroom instead it was one of my friends. This time I got a date to bring to prom although I do not see why she would want to date me considering all of my shortcomings. Like last year, prom this year gave me mixed feelings. I was happy to get out of the shithole, sad to leave the beginning of a strong friendship bond, excited for the next stage of my life and disappointed my dark thoughts are still with me even after another year had passed by. So let me begin at the first day of college. Wait. No. Let me take you further back. Let me take you back to the time when I thought high school is going to be the death of me. Let me take you back to the time when high school reminded me of bad memories and...

Every time I begin a story, I usually start with the title because it reminds me of what I should write. But, today I'm writing about you. I procrastinated long enough. Every time I try to put pen to paper, I got overwhelmed with emotions. Memories flood back like a broken dam. I have to tread carefully on this one because you are the story of all my other stories, the one I revolves around and the one I wished did not end.  It has to be my masterpiece, not one I will read again and again but one that can fully shows how I feel these 6 years. Now, how do I begin? There are so many things to describe you and the way we meet but there is no way to say it without it sounding like a cliché from a book. I could tell you stories about football, my passion and how my day is going on but when it comes to you, I have no words. I just want to get out the entire cliché before I go any further. Yes, she is pretty and yes she is intelligent and has a smile that melts me. Yes she did ...

Why is it that you have no emotion? How do you keep yourself in motion? What do you do to keep living life? Why do you start talking with the cuts from your knife? You say you do not feel joy Yet you play like a toy You say everything is a trick Yet you never get pricked You say you do not feel sorrow Yet you act like there is no tomorrow You say you do not fear tears Yet you never once shed one You say you do not feel pain Yet your wrists have blood stains You told me to not worry Yet you never told me your story Why is it that you have no emotion? How do you keep yourself in motion? What do you do to keep living life? Why do you start talking with the cuts from your knife?

When tears don't come And words don't tell The loneliness in you Take a metal pen To write stories On your wrist Watch red beads drip And let relief sweep away The pain of yesterday As you draw another line To complete your story Let darkness engulf you When tears don't come And words don tell

                Have you ever fought a war? To be more exact/ have you ever waged war against your own brain. Sounds crazy? Had your brain went against you so much that you wanted to unleash your inner demon?                  Have you ever been so passionate about something but the next day the feeling faded away with the tears of yesterday? Have you ever spaced out while doing something? Have you tried concentrating so hard on it but ten you realized you tried so hard on concentrating you aren’t even doing what you are supposed to do. Have you ever went on a holiday and when you return you forgot everything about the trip and even forgotten what your house look like.                 Well, here my friend is my encounter with brain fog. Let me start ...