The Forgotten Past

3 weeks in and I thought I made the same mistake I did 5 years ago. I did not dare to take the leap and once again another amazing girl like you slip away from my life. I found hating you easier than missing you and it's what I did to ease the pain. I have always blamed someone else or the world for my mistakes and there was no exception. It was when I came to the realization that I lost you completely I let go. I said I was disgusted when I see you and your boyfriend sit together, holding hands and sharing food. But,  the truth is that I want it. Whatever you have with her,  whatever you want to call it, I want it. It adds to the pain that I thought I almost had it. A girl I have been crushing on for 5 years finally gave me a chance. A chance to make her world light up. A chance to make her smile her beautiful smile everyday. I don't care what it took, be it aligning the stars or shoot down the moon, I wanna see her eyes light up just before she curls her lip into a smile.

“It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream. You will wake up any second now.” I thought to myself. 3 weeks into college and I still could not believe it. That thought kept repeating itself in my mind like a broken cassette, preventing me from enjoying this moment. The moment I have been dreaming about for months. Meeting new people, studying subjects that interest me and learning new cultures are among the things that I want to do in college. However, every day, hours and class that I was in felt like a dream and a vacation. It feels weird not going to the same school that you have been going to for 5 years. It feels weird that you still wake up at the same time but going in the opposite direction. It feels weird doing these familiar things but with different friends. It feels weird not going to the same school as the girl that kept your heart for 5 years. You need time to get used to the fact that her smile is the only thing that you morning. You miss the butterflies she unconsciously p