The Forgotten Past

I decided to write about my experiences in college 10 days after AusMat prom concluded. I do not know why I took so long to write but it always my intention to write about AusMat.  Prom 2017 is pretty much the same except the fact that I did not spend most of my time hiding in the washroom instead it was one of my friends. This time I got a date to bring to prom although I do not see why she would want to date me considering all of my shortcomings. Like last year, prom this year gave me mixed feelings. I was happy to get out of the shithole, sad to leave the beginning of a strong friendship bond, excited for the next stage of my life and disappointed my dark thoughts are still with me even after another year had passed by. So let me begin at the first day of college. Wait. No. Let me take you further back. Let me take you back to the time when I thought high school is going to be the death of me. Let me take you back to the time when high school reminded me of bad memories and how

Every time I begin a story, I usually start with the title because it reminds me of what I should write. But, today I'm writing about you. I procrastinated long enough. Every time I try to put pen to paper, I got overwhelmed with emotions. Memories flood back like a broken dam. I have to tread carefully on this one because you are the story of all my other stories, the one I revolves around and the one I wished did not end.  It has to be my masterpiece, not one I will read again and again but one that can fully shows how I feel these 6 years. Now, how do I begin? There are so many things to describe you and the way we meet but there is no way to say it without it sounding like a cliché from a book. I could tell you stories about football, my passion and how my day is going on but when it comes to you, I have no words. I just want to get out the entire cliché before I go any further. Yes, she is pretty and yes she is intelligent and has a smile that melts me. Yes she did

3 weeks in and I thought I made the same mistake I did 5 years ago. I did not dare to take the leap and once again another amazing girl like you slip away from my life. I found hating you easier than missing you and it's what I did to ease the pain. I have always blamed someone else or the world for my mistakes and there was no exception. It was when I came to the realization that I lost you completely I let go. I said I was disgusted when I see you and your boyfriend sit together, holding hands and sharing food. But,  the truth is that I want it. Whatever you have with her,  whatever you want to call it, I want it. It adds to the pain that I thought I almost had it. A girl I have been crushing on for 5 years finally gave me a chance. A chance to make her world light up. A chance to make her smile her beautiful smile everyday. I don't care what it took, be it aligning the stars or shoot down the moon, I wanna see her eyes light up just before she curls her lip into a smile.

“It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream. You will wake up any second now.” I thought to myself. 3 weeks into college and I still could not believe it. That thought kept repeating itself in my mind like a broken cassette, preventing me from enjoying this moment. The moment I have been dreaming about for months. Meeting new people, studying subjects that interest me and learning new cultures are among the things that I want to do in college. However, every day, hours and class that I was in felt like a dream and a vacation. It feels weird not going to the same school that you have been going to for 5 years. It feels weird that you still wake up at the same time but going in the opposite direction. It feels weird doing these familiar things but with different friends. It feels weird not going to the same school as the girl that kept your heart for 5 years. You need time to get used to the fact that her smile is the only thing that you morning. You miss the butterflies she unconsciously p