The Forgotten Past

 To look at the world again through a different lens To realize again we are not what we perceive All my life has been chasing on an unending race To realize we are the only runner Finally, I have a state of mind Peace and tranquility To let go of my external goals And listen to my heart

       I felt that the pandemic has stolen time from me 2 years of my youth spent in lockdown Now, I find myself compensating for lost time Trying to fast-forward life Going to clubs, thinking about marriage and long term career Am I really living life in the present? Or is time really living me?

       It took a while to realize that death is not the end all be all The inevitability of death is an opportunity to live better Knowing our mortality motivates us to the live the life we want It still makes me and gives me sleepless nights But death is not the end all be all

       La Vie En Rose: Life through rosy glasses.  It depicts a time in life when someone falls in love When they see the world through rose tainted glasses How long does the honeymoon last? Can it be eternity?

I decided to write about my experiences in college 10 days after AusMat prom concluded. I do not know why I took so long to write but it always my intention to write about AusMat.  Prom 2017 is pretty much the same except the fact that I did not spend most of my time hiding in the washroom instead it was one of my friends. This time I got a date to bring to prom although I do not see why she would want to date me considering all of my shortcomings. Like last year, prom this year gave me mixed feelings. I was happy to get out of the shithole, sad to leave the beginning of a strong friendship bond, excited for the next stage of my life and disappointed my dark thoughts are still with me even after another year had passed by. So let me begin at the first day of college. Wait. No. Let me take you further back. Let me take you back to the time when I thought high school is going to be the death of me. Let me take you back to the time when high school reminded me of bad memories and...

Every time I begin a story, I usually start with the title because it reminds me of what I should write. But, today I'm writing about you. I procrastinated long enough. Every time I try to put pen to paper, I got overwhelmed with emotions. Memories flood back like a broken dam. I have to tread carefully on this one because you are the story of all my other stories, the one I revolves around and the one I wished did not end.  It has to be my masterpiece, not one I will read again and again but one that can fully shows how I feel these 6 years. Now, how do I begin? There are so many things to describe you and the way we meet but there is no way to say it without it sounding like a cliché from a book. I could tell you stories about football, my passion and how my day is going on but when it comes to you, I have no words. I just want to get out the entire cliché before I go any further. Yes, she is pretty and yes she is intelligent and has a smile that melts me. Yes she did ...

3 weeks in and I thought I made the same mistake I did 5 years ago. I did not dare to take the leap and once again another amazing girl like you slip away from my life. I found hating you easier than missing you and it's what I did to ease the pain. I have always blamed someone else or the world for my mistakes and there was no exception. It was when I came to the realization that I lost you completely I let go. I said I was disgusted when I see you and your boyfriend sit together, holding hands and sharing food. But,  the truth is that I want it. Whatever you have with her,  whatever you want to call it, I want it. It adds to the pain that I thought I almost had it. A girl I have been crushing on for 5 years finally gave me a chance. A chance to make her world light up. A chance to make her smile her beautiful smile everyday. I don't care what it took, be it aligning the stars or shoot down the moon, I wanna see her eyes light up just before she curls her lip into a smile. ...